i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
