Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
