Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
