Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
