When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
