I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
