i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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