Duck Duck Cougar?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
