She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
