I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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