Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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