Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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