Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize