It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
