Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize