my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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