nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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