Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
