there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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