if i can run in heels then i can drive
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
