this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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