He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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