Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
