I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
