I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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