so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
