every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
