The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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