whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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