I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
