I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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