Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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