it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hippo gnu deer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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