well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
