so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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