Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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