omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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