i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
