Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
