I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
