just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do vagina's smell?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
