turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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