butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize