You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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