May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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