Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
