U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize