just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
