yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
