tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
