Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
