when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
