It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
