Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
