i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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