just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
