his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
