You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
