she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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