Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
