Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
