We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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