ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
