i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
