I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
