everyone is single if you try hard enough
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
