why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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