I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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