I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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