i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
True strength comes from lack of pants
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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