Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
