I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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