He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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